Eva-Willow: My Dreadlock Journey to Self Love
About me
I am Eva-Willow, your dreadlock artist and I’d like to tell you about my journey with dreadlocks to self-love, self acceptance and success . . .
My journey with my very loved locks started very long ago when I wanted them so badly, but I was too worried about the opinion of others. Like many of my clients, I too was a person who let the fear of acceptance and who “would not allow me to dread my hair” get in my way.
I have since realised how ridiculous it is to cling to that word “allow”.
. . . How foreign is it actually, to ‘ask’ for that of those around us, regarding the matters of our own personhood. As if its a permission that’s required, to either give to others or to receive from others about ourselves.
Where do we even get these ideas from?
Bare with me . . .
As I voiced my wishes, it use to be met with control, spitefulness and rudeness. I was told about “how people would look at me” all the way to scare tactics of “what kind of men and company I would attract”. The short answer to that is, everything that is beautiful and admirable.
And so a personal journey started
I think its very fair to say that starting out on this road was definitely a significant contributing factor in becoming a better version of myself. It has been teaching me about courage and self love – something that I was a deeply struggling with at the time.
It is like many other praise worthy things – one never “arrives” and the learning simply carries on as time passes. It doesn’t ever stop.
During that same time I battled through an ugly divorce from all that was toxic. The difficult days called for some fire in me so I felt in the mood for change. I decided to go from my natural blonde to a red with henna paste. It was a beautiful, messy experience. Caca Rouge from Lush.
It was so beautiful and messy that I needed to sit on the grass while my young little pink fairy hooligans lathered it into my hair. Rich, shiny and easy enough to do. It excluded all the horrid chemicals contained by conventional hair color, not tested on animals – bonus, as well as a must!
Beliefs, thoughts and ideas that shaped my understanding about dreadlocks
At the time, my religious / spiritual beliefs and ideas were different to what it is now, but the story of Samson and his “7 locks” made an impression on me.
Now I am not a professor in Theology and neither do I label myself as a follower of any particular faith, but I’ve always had the thinking that his locks where not twirly curls but actual dreadlocks (I am not insisting that I am correct on this, how would we ever really know). Then I read up about the significance of hair as held dear by the Native Americans. I felt that the combination of the two was what I desperately needed.
Hair . . . that wasn’t just a random fashion statement – but an inward as well as an outward statement of strength and resilience. That somewhere out there, there’s something far greater than me. Strength within. Victory within. Being concious in every aspect of my life, self awareness, treading lightly on mother earth and a miriad of many other things.
So it started
I dont think I mentioned that I went through an ugly divorce, which was very much part of why I started this journey. I needed the authenticity and the strength. It was awful, the control was intense and it felt never ending.
After this horrid time was partially done, we moved to Knysna where my lock journey started row by row, week after week, as and when there was some spare time.
I was pretty much in the deep as I had to learn everything from scratch, with plenty of trial and error, not to mention the very painful fingers after all the accidental stabs with a sharp metal crochet needle. Which is also why, when I recommend / not recommend something, its for very good reason
I was told that with any “lice infestation I would need to shave”. They said they’d “give me 6 months, then it was predicted to look so bad that I’d be fed-up – that it would be such a huge mess that I’d have to cut and get rid of all my hair”.
Guess what . . . . that never happened 😀
Learning to overcome some major struggles
I have been struggling with severe anxiety for most of my life. It becomes more intense during hard times, as we all know. A very tender point that. I use to do what many others do – various things that are physically destructive as it was hard for me to keep my hands still.
Anything from snapping my hair off (before they were dreaded of course) to picking and scratching at my skin, to eventually fighting to not get into more serious ways of self harm.
The company I’d keep
That was the next incorrect, judgmental prediction. I was told by haters that I would attract only “scum”. Especially when it comes to men who’d be interested in me. As it turned out – I have such incredible, genuine friends. As for a partner, I landed up with one of the greatest human’s who have ever walked the earth.
With enormous sadness I also need to add that he passed away in January 2024.
I will still scrape some courage together to speak more about this soon on a separate post. We raised children and did wildlife rescue together. Some of the best days of my life. The point remains – he was the greatest gift, in the form of a beautiful man. Blessed with the best for some years that was way too short.
My inner transformation
I’ve never put my crochet needles down, working, loving, respecting and working my locks some more.
The result ?
Well, the result was the complete opposite to what I used to do. No more damaging myself but furthering myself, beautifying my temple, without a doubt.
A magnificent mane of dreads have been created due to my thing with fidgeting and faffing with my hands. I have created a business out of this which helps to keep little tummies fed and little minds educated, warm blankets in winter and a home called “The Land of Freedom”.
How can I ‘not’ feel super proud and accomplished?
Dreadlocks have been an absolute blessing to me. A blessing only.
You know what? Sometimes we need to pay very close attention to the things others say we “cannot” or “should not” take on. It is very often their own fears and insecurities speaking, trying to limit us. Same as when we say that another person has potential – we’re actually imagining what we would have done if we were them. The two are just a stark contrast of one another but both remain a reflection of our imagination over someone else or theirs over us, be it good or not.
So take notes. Write down what you suppossedly “cannot” do and let that be your next success story right there!
. . . Thank you for reading my story . . . I appreciate your time
Love – Eva . . .
Read some more info about me here
To consult with me please go here
